Jealousy and Dwarven Customs
by ShippingSince1619
Summary: Bilbo is revealing more skin than the dwarves are used to seeing. The poor hobbit is clueless and Thorin is not amused.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own anyone in this. No copyright intended and all that. :3**

"Balin, may I ask you a question?" Bilbo Baggins, master of thievery, questioned rather loudly while sitting around the fire.

All the dwarves had their eyes on him then, but what else was knew? Everybody, with the exception of Dwalin, Balin, Gandalf, and Thorin, had had their eyes glued on Bilbo for most of their journey so far.

It was getting rather irritating for the hobbit.

"Ask away, laddie." Balin broke Bilbo out of his aggravated thoughts.

It was rather quiet before Bilbo had started the conversation with Balin and now everyone was interested.

"What have I done?" He asked with a sarcastic hint in his voice and gestured to the other dwarves. Balin looked at him in with laughter in his eyes.

Just then Ori slowly approached him with his head down.

"Bilbo, I- uh… you look very lovely today."

Bilbo looked up at Ori with a muddled expression. Why were these dwarves acting so strange?

"Well, thank you very much, Ori." What else was he meant to say to that?

Bilbo thought he would add a compliment to be kind as well. "You look nice today too…"

Ori grinned widely and sat back down in his spot beside his brothers.

Bilbo felt the heat of someone's glare and turned his head slightly to see a terrifying look on the face of Thorin Oakenshield.

How peculiar.

"You have done nothing, Bilbo." Balin chuckled softly.

"You are not well-versed in the customs of dwarves, Burglar." Dwalin snarled out with a roll of his eyes.

The custom of dwarves? What in Middle Earth does that have to do with it?

"No, as you may have notice that I am a hobbit." Bilbo spat back with a smirk lingering on his face.

Dwalin growled at him like he always did. Bilbo was starting to believe that was Dwalin trying to be friendly.

"The way you have been dressing, Bilbo, you have not been wearing your regular clothing." Gandalf finally piped up.

"My regular clothing? I just thought that I should be comfortable while traveling across Middle Earth."

Bilbo shrugged his shoulders and blushed a bit as the company stared at him.

His attire was not revealing at all, so Bilbo didn't very well see a problem.

His trousers were at mid leg length and he had taken his jacket off, rolled his sleeves up, unbuttoned his collar, and he was dressed pretty respectably in his mind.

"Walk with me for a bit, my dear friend?" Gandalf stood and led Bilbo away from drooling dwarves, amused dwarves, and one very furious dwarf.


	2. Chapter 2

He and Gandalf walked for quite a while.

The wizard talked for hours about the customs of dwarves and Bilbo eventually understood that he was dressed inappropriately in their eyes.

They were so lost in the conversation that Bilbo didn't realize they had almost made it back to camp.

"Gandalf, may I ask you wh—

"You wish to know why Thorin is angrier with you than he usually is, but I am afraid that it is he who must tell you."

Gandalf smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Hobbit ears are very receptive, so Bilbo couldn't help but here Gandalf whisper "Jealousy" under his breath as he left him there with his thoughts.

_Jealousy Jealousy Jealousy Jealousy_

The whispered word was on repeat in his head.

What would Thorin Oakenshield have to be jealous about? Bilbo thought back to earlier when Ori walked up to him and recalled the fire in Thorin's eyes.

No, absolutely not. A Baggins from Bag End could never be the reason for a king's emotions.

While Bilbo was trapped in a battle with himself, Kili decided to strut up to him with a smirk for a smile, and his brother encouraging him by providing cat calls and wolf whistles.

"Master burglar, I don't mean to be so straight forward, but do you wish to join me between my blankets tonight?"

The blasted dwarf wiggled his eyebrows, his smirk widening as Bilbo sputtered and blushed.

Most of the other dwarves either laughed or grunted their disapproval of Bilbo being involved with anyone but themselves.

Once Bilbo caught sight of Thorin glaring at Kili, trying to restrain himself from murdering his nephew, his Took side decided to make a grand entrance and the devious Halfling smiled wickedly.

He quickly unfastened his shirt a couple more buttons down to reveal more skin.

"Is that a genuine offer, Kili? I would accept it, but I'm simply afraid that you could not keep up with me."

Bilbo winked quickly and walked to his blanket with satisfaction on his mind due to Kili's stunned silence.

The stunned dwarf recovered in no time and was by Bilbo's blanket in an instant.

"I think I could satisfy well enough and make you quite happy for a night, hobbit." The dignified tone was evident in his voice and Bilbo couldn't help but grin like a mad man.

"You think you can make me quite happy? Why, are you leaving?" Bilbo quirked an eyebrow and smiled innocently.

Kili applauded him for their battle of wits and all but one dwarf cheered Bilbo and his sharp tongue.

Thorin Oakenshield was fuming and before he could snap at his company, he stomped off into the woods.

**I apologize for these chapters being so short. :c I'll make them longer, promise. :D**

**Also, no copyright intended again. **


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days got progressively worse for Kili, who was constantly being snapped at by Thorin.

Even Fili was catching a bit of their uncle's wrath, simply for encouraging his brother to approach Bilbo, but the king would never admit that that was the reason.

Once Bilbo found out that Thorin was jealous, he decided to have a tiny amount of fun.

Almost two weeks since Kili had been receiving the king's wrath, it was Bilbo's turn.

He was in the middle of bending over to pick up something that Bombur 'accidently dropped when Thorin snapped at him.

"Burglar, be an unpleasant whore on your own time!"

After that the entire company fell silent until the sun went behind the trees and they set up camp. Bilbo looked very unnerved and most of the dwarves, as angry as they were, didn't want to squabble with their own king.

"That was very much uncalled for, Oakenshield." Gandalf stated calmly, although you could see the disappointment on his aged face.

Thorin chuckled loudly and looked over at Bilbo. "Do you agree, burglar?"

The Halfling was startled by the question, but surrendered an answer anyway.

"Y-Yes I do agree. I have never sold my body, Thorin, nor do I plan to. I apologize greatly for being so bold as to say that you have obviously forgotten our traditions are different."

The king of Erebor laughed tastelessly and turned his nose up at the smallest member of his company.

"You may have saved my life, Master Baggins, but you have thrown away my respect. Tell me, how many of this company have you had sex with thus far?"

The bewilderment on every face of the assembled group could have made anyone second guess themselves and Thorin was no exception.

"You think I've slept with someone? Oh, that makes perfect bloody sense considering the fact that I'm a virgin!"

Bilbo was so angry at the accusation that he had lost his filter and began spewing obscenities at the dwarf. The company had been shocked by the use of foul tongue, especially since that foulness was directed at their king. Dwalin was the first one to snap out of it.

"You think that is any way to speak to a king, Baggins?" In all his big and burly glory, he marched right up to the small being and got in his face, ready to defend his king.

Bilbo was not impressed with the Dwalin one bit and took a step towards the dwarf, ready to defend himself and his pride.

"That'll be enough, Dwalin." Thorin said calmly, his eyes never leaving the Halfling as he spoke again. "Bilbo, I must remind you to hold your tongue before I change my mind."

Bilbo didn't understand how everything got so screwed up so quickly, but he had a plan.

**Reading this makes me cringe. I don't like it, but I suppose I owe you an update. **

**I apologize for taking so long, but my mind is on school and volunteering. **

**I will try to update as soon as I can and make the chapters longer.**

**No copyright and all that. :P**


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next few days the dwarves, Gandalf, and Bilbo did not speak much and the overbearing silence almost drove them all mad.

"Bilbo, can I tell you a joke?" Kili whispered to him, but in dead silence, every ear in a mile radius could probably hear him. Bilbo only nodded and Kili smiled like a mad man.

"Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?" Kili whispered when he got close enough to Bilbo's ear, so only he could hear the joke.

"I don't know, Kili, Why?" Bilbo thought over the joke and knew the answer already, but Kili looked so proud of himself and he didn't have the heart to ruin it.

"He was a little shellfish!" The heir of Durin burst out laughing at his own joke, the _heir_ of Durin.

As it turns out, the laugh was only infectious to Fili and Bilbo.

The trio became a giggling mess and the rest of the company looked rather relieved that there was no more deafening silence.

It was time to set up camp again near the misty mountains, they had lost track of the number of times they set up camp.

"Burglar, you take first watch." Thorin barked out an order, a very unusual order because he had never taken a night watch before.

Instead of more arguing, he nodded his head and made sure sting was secure at his waist.

By the time it was Bofur's turn to take the watch and let Bilbo get some sleep, Bofur was snoring loudly with the rest of the dwarves and Gandalf.

Bilbo was incredibly tired, but seeing Bofur all snug in his blanket prevented him from asking to be released of his watch duty.

So, he sat there and continued to watch until the sun came up and the birds were chirping.

Thorin, Nori, Gandalf, and Dwalin were the first to wake and Bilbo was instantly relieved that he didn't have to keep his eyes peeled for disturbances.

Thorin and Dwalin were deep in discussion and the wizard had gone for some peace of mind.

"Bilbo, have you yet to sleep?" Nori asked as he gathered things that Balin could fix for breakfast.

The conversation between the other two dwarves was forgotten and they looked over at the Halfling. Bilbo looked at Nori with tired eyes and smiled. "No, I have not. Bofur was in the land of nod and dwarves are quite stubborn, even in sleep."

Thorin looked very displeased with the answer and took long strides towards Bofur's sleeping form.

"Bofur, you absolute imbecile!" The king shouted in his ear. If everyone wasn't awake, they were now.

Thorin yelled and Bofur apologized over and over again while the other dwarves watched in amusement, oblivious to the hobbit that was approaching Dwalin.

"Master Dwalin, do you have a minute?"

Dwalin looked down at an exhausted Bilbo and saw how nervous he was, and yet he didn't back away, so it must have been important if he hadn't run off yet.

The hostile dwarf gave Bilbo a slight nod.

"I wanted to apologize for making you angry. I should have kept my mouth shut and I did not mean to provoke you."

That was the end of the tension between the two, although Dwalin was still hostile, but he was that way with everyone and their mother.

The company had begun travelling again with Bilbo by the king's side to ensure that Thorin could keep his eye on the worn out hobbit.

They had traveled a little way from the mountains before Bilbo was nodding off on the back of his horse.

"Halfling, you must ride with me. Gloin, guide his pony." Thorin barked out the order and hoisted Bilbo up on his pony to be sat in front of him.

**I literally cannot think of anything else to write at the moment, so this is it. :c**

**Thank you for reading. (: **


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